Oh breasts

Dear My Breasts,

I'm not sure if you received the earlier memo, so I wanted to send out a letter to touch base.

Your purpose has recently changed. Hopefully you understand what this now means for you.

No longer are you around to provide nourishment or to fill an empty belly. Now your sole purpose is to appear attractive. If you would perk up a little bit it would be greatly appreciated. A little goes a long way. One would think that now that you only have to hang out and look pretty you would in fact be quite perky about your new lack of responsibility, but alas you don't seem the feel that way. And your lack of perkiness is really starting to take a toll on me.

Remember the good ole' days? When I used to let you roam freely in a halter or tube top? We could get back to that if you would only cooperate. I'm willing to put the last almost two years behind us and begin again. But it's going to take some effort on your part.

I hope that we can continue to have a loving and beautiful relationship with one another, but that will not happen if you continue to have such a droppy attitude. Bring back the perkiness that I used to appreciate, please. That is all.