Monday, March 2, 2009

Late night Vent

You ever get in one of those moods where you need to listen to a sad song and just be sad??? Well I am in one of those moods..I am having a hard time dealing with my mom and not being part of my life or my son's life. Long story short..she is an alcoholic and has been most of my life and tends to chose that over anything else and has ruined two marriages because of it. Well she hasn't seen Boone since he was 4 months old and she showed up at my house wasted..and it literally breaks my heart thinking about how much I love her and what she could have going for her!! She is a grandma and this is her first grandchild she is letting slip away..and his first birthday is coming up and she won't be there..she doesn't even call, write or anything unless she needs something and even then I don't tell her anything about Boone because I don't think she deserves to know anything if she wanted to know she should put forth more I just don't understand how she can't even call 20-30 seconds and just tell me she loves me and Boone or ask how he is..she has missed every single milestone of his..and growing up she was never like this we meant so much more to her and she would protect her children over anything!! I don't see how we have slipped down on from her number one priority..I mean I can see she wants to be there but it's almost like she is scared or doesn't know how..I just needed to can only put this on your fiance/boyfriend so many times before they are sick of hearing it and don't understand why you feel the way you do!

What really gets me is my little brother hasn't heard from her in 2 years and he asks my dad if "mom is dead" or "why doesn't mom call me dad" he doesn't understand and he is going to grow up thinking he did something and not understand why his mom left...I just hope he won't have relationship son he has a grandma and luckly a great one who would do anything for him...Zack's mom is probably the best mom out there and an even better I am grateful I have found such a great guy with an even better family!

I need some kind of closure I guess...or advice from friends..any little words will help!

1 comment:

  1. My Aunt is an alcoholic and has two little ones. She went to rehab, sobered up, had another baby, and went back to drinking. I don't get it. I always put Preston first and there she is drinking away both of her kid's first everythings.

    The only thing I can sugguest is to try to get her help. My Mom is always telling me it's a disease just like cancer is and you have to get the person help or they'll never beat it. It's hard to deal with.

    On the positive side at least you have a great MIL. :)